*Note: Because this story is so long I've decided to divide it up into 3 parts.
Please bear with me because it is a story worth telling*
Do you know how a disease starts? A disease does not start the day you wake up sick, no, a disease starts long before then. You get it days, sometimes weeks, earlier and it varies how you actually catch it.
Maybe you forgot to wash you hands after touching something.
Maybe you breathed it in.
Maybe you caught it from someone.
Then after it enters your body it stays there for a while slowly taking over until every part of you is affected. You can get a disease many different ways but the point is:
You don't know you have it until the symptoms start showing.
That's exactly what happened to me last winter. I was dangerously sick and didn't even know it. What was wrong with me? Well, before I tell you that I need to explain how I found out that I had this illness.
Back in about early November lots of different things began happening in my life that I believe brought me to the point that this disease could no longer remain unnoticed:
- My brother was about to graduate from high school and he knew exactly what it was that GOD wanted him to do with his life (unlike me who found out, no lie, one week before my graduation).
- I was 4 months away from my 20th birthday and still living at home.
- In the past 2 years I had completed only 1 of the online sewing classes for which I had signed up.
- My sewing business was not where I wanted it to be at this point.
- and prince charming had not shown up. All I ever wanted to do, since I was little girl, was to be a godly wife and mother. I felt like that was my life's calling but apparently that was not to be at the moment. Either that or God had forgotten a very important key element to my plan.
I began to feel depressed and fearful. What if God had forgotten about the plans He had for me? I thought. What if I'm not relevant to His Story? Don't get me wrong, I knew GOD loved me; I just began to wonder if I didn't have a part to play in the big scheme of life. I became dissatisfied and started having this feeling of anxiety all the time that caused me to have trouble eating. Then one of my biggest fears came to past:
I began having panic attacks.
My family has a history of panic attacks with the females on my mom's side. I, of course, thought they would never happen to me but secretly I feared that one day I would have them too. That day had come and I was terrified. They quickly grew until I could no longer control them. Every aspect of my life was affected to the point where my whole day was determined by how sick I was in the morning. I even missed out on most of my extended family's Thanksgiving gathering because I was so messed up.
But the point when I realized that this could go on no more was the week of my birthday. I threw up for 5 straight days and made my family, and myself, miserable. That's when I knew everything had to stop.
I thought I was just worried about my future and at my cousin's suggestion began looking up scriptures about how GOD is bigger than any obstacle. I prayed, I tried eating better, I read and re-read these verses every morning regardless if I felt like I needed them or not. But nothing had seemed to work.
One night I was praying and by praying I mean I was whining about how terrible my life was and how God needed to fix it. After a while I began to get sleepy so I ended my complaints with,
"Okay, goodnight God. I love you."
That got my attention. Prove it? What do you mean God? I gave my heart to you when I was ten, I try to live a life pleasing to you, obey your word, what do you mean prove it?
"Show me you love me"
Then He brought to my mind all the many times my mom has asked my daddy to prove that he loved her. Did she not know that daddy loved her? Yes she did. But she likes it when daddy proves it to her by giving her flowers, taking her out, or simply helping her around the house.
"Okay God, how do you want me to prove that I love you?"
The answer didn't come straight away but after searching and geniunely seeking God I finally got it.
"Start by serving others"
So I began by looking for ways to show God that I loved Him in my everyday life. I started not only reading The Bible, but studying it. I started trying to treat my family the way I wanted to be treated. I stopped simply watching the kids I babysat but tried to find ways to spend time with them that benefited them and not just put up with them on the days I was tired.
But like always, Satan doesn't give up too easily when he has a hold on our lives. I continued to be sick.
(TO BE CONTINUED)
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