Now it was the end of February and once again I found myself on the bathroom floor fighting yet another panic attack. Even though I was still having them they had become easier to control. But today I was tried of fighting and had slunk back into my whoa-is-me stage. Crying I, for the hundredth time, complained to mom how horrible my life was, forgetting that by GOD's Grace I had yet to throw up in my most recent attacks (which had become almost a given anytime I had one). We began to discuss new ways I could use my life to benefit others instead of focusing on myself and how pathetic I was being. Eventually the subject of finding a mission organization came back up again. Mom had suggested that I find some local charity organization to volunteer at maybe one day a week so I could be back in the "mission field" and get a break from my everyday mundane life.
Suddenly mom goes "You should call Kevin and see if you could volunteer at that charity he runs."
Let me back up a minute and explain who exactly Kevin is and how he plays into this story.
Kevin worked for my dad one summer back when Daddy was camp director of a local camp. He (Kevin) lives about an hour away from my family in Riceville TN, and has (somewhat) kept in contact with us over the past eight years.
One evening back in December of last year Kevin randomly called my dad and said that he was in the neighborhood and wanted to know if he could stop by to say hello. Turns out we weren't doing anything that night and since we hadn't seen Kevin in a few years Daddy told him to come on over. While he was visiting Kevin began telling daddy of a charity organization he had become executive director over and all the cool things happening up there. Honesty I didn't think much about it until much later when mom suggested I try contacting him to see if I could help him out.
Now here I was a few months later and mom was trying yet again to get me to call him. Like Moses I gave every excuse imaginable:
"Mom he probably doesn't want to put up with me. It's been 8 years and I really don't remember Kevin that much."
"The drive is 45 minutes both ways! I can't afford that kind of travel!"
"There are probably several volunteers working up there. Kevin doesn't need me. I'll just be in the way."
Finally mom says "Well if your not going to call I will! I'm tired of seeing you in this state. You have to get up and do something or I will."
Outmatched, I caved in and called.
I can still remember the conversation we had on the phone. I called the number Daddy (um... God) gave me and listened to the phone ring on the other end of the line.
Maybe he won't pick up I thought maybe he's really busy and will miss my call...
"Hello this is Kevin, how can I help you?"
"Umm... Hi Kevin! This is Susan."
"Oh hey Susan! What's up?"
So I briefly explained why I called leaving out a few details (like the panic attacks for example).
"Okay, sounds cool." He said "How many hours are you needing to get in for whatever project your working on? Is this for something with 4H?"
"Um... no. I don't need any hours. I'm just doing this just to do it"
"Uh... okay... What do you mean?"
"Well right now in my life I feel like my biggest asset is my time. I don't make that much money so this is kind of like my offering to God. I want to give back part of the time He's given me in this season of my life by doing something for Him and not for myself. Do you see what I mean?"
Do I really need to explain further or can you just take it at that and give me the job?
"Oh. Okay. I see what you mean there. So how long are you planning on doing this?"
"Until God moves me."
"Alright, cool. Um, what days can you work?"
We decided on Monday from 9 to 12. I remember after I hung up the phone I stared at the wall for a while wondering what in the world I just did. Did I seriously just commit to this or is there still time to back out? I wondered. Why in the world was I so against doing this anyway?
(TO BE CONTINUED)
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