I really don't know how to begin this letter. I know I have some things to talk about but now that I'm actually writing I can't seem to make my thoughts come together. But that's ok, because you're use to that right? You're always the one who gets to listen to me spill out all my problems and feelings and somehow make sense of it all. You're the only one in this family who understands what it's like being a girl (since it's only you and me). Because I am an only daughter, I've be able to have special privileges that most girls with sisters never get. I've been able to have a one-on-one relationship with you that I would have had to share if there was another female living in the house. Since you and I are the only two we look out for each other (you of course more than me!)
I don't know what I would do with out you! You've taught me to be a godly lady (mostly through example), helped me sort through issues, prayed for me, incouraged me, laughed and cried with me. You've done so much for me and I have always taken you for granted. I always expected you to be there for me, for there to be a meal on the table three times a day, for my clothes to be clean and for you to slove every problem. Deep down I knew I shouldn't because I knew you job was hard, but I was selfish and just didn't know exactly how hard you worked.
When you left to take care of Grandma for a week I thought the whole world was falling apart. You had always been the one who held everything together and now you were gone holding up someone else. I realized very quickly just how hard your life as a mother really is (and that was only being in charge of the cooking). You wake up everyday and serve others with rarely any time left for yourself and, once again, I take you for granted.
So I'm writing this to tell you how sorry I am:
I'm so sorry for every time you called me to the table and I ignored you.
I'm sorry for every time I disrespected you.
I'm sorry for every time you asked for my help and I didn't do what you asked.
I'm sorry for every time I did help you but secretly thought you were being lazy or grumbled the whole time.
Because you deserve better Mom. You deserve much more than you get from me and I'm sorry. I'm not going to say I'll change and from now on I'll be a better daughter for you and that I'll never treat you wrong again. Because if there's one thing I've learned about myself it's that often I promise to do things that I never do. I try to change my ways and it never works. I still remain that selfish girl who only thinks for herself.
I do promise to try to make a more contentious effort to see things from your prospective and not weight you down with all my little things that really aren't that important.
I promise to come to the table immediately after you ask because I know you worked hard to prepare me a meal and coming to the table on time is better than an audible "thank you".
I promise to treat you with more respect and love.
And with The Holy Spirit's help, I'll keep those promises and (slowly) I will change. And when I miss up, (because I will) I know that you will still forgive me. You've done that my whole life, forgiven me, and shown me through that that I really can be forgiven by a Heavenly Father for so much more than not coming when I'm called.
I still remember as a little girl you telling me that GOD loves me more than you love me. It was so hard to imagine and still to this day I have a hard time grasping the concept that someone loves me more than you do. Because, to me, you are the picture of love. Love that is given in abundance every day forgetting what has happened yesterday and focusing instead on today.
I love you Mommy, I know I never say it much or enough times but I do. I think I'll add that to my list of improvements: telling you "I love you" every day, and "thank you". Because you deserve that. And I'll start right now.
Mommy, Mama, Mum, Mummy,
I love you.
Thank you for all you've done for me.
You'll always be my best friend.
P.S. One more thing. If there are any grammar mistakes or misspelled words I apologize. I wanted this to be a surprise so I didn't have you check it. If it really bothers you you can correct it later. Forgiveness right? :)
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